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10 May 2008 @ 06:33 pm
requests fic: "Drunken Induced" for tanisafan  
Title: Drunken Induced
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairing: Ianto/Tosh, hints of Jack/Ianto, if you squint and maybe even Jack/Tosh, if you squint even more
Prompt: Tosh/Ianto, angst
AN: written for tanisafan... even though I said I would only write pairings I'd either read or wrote already, how can I say no to my sweet? Call it a very late birthday present.
AN2: you could place this in the Lines verse.

Jack abandons them.
The team comes into the hub and Jack is gone, nothing but the fading sound of the Tardis and a mess of paper indicating he's not in his office.
Jack had left, voluntarily. They had betrayed him, he had died, had come back and forgiven them all and then left. He had abandoned an emotionally broken team to either sink or swim their way back to the surface without anyone to guide them in the right direction.
They swim; they paddle and occasionally sink so deep the surface had been barely visible, but they swim. They sink and they sink deep, finding only the barest comfort amongst each other. A team, but not really, because a team needs a leader, a guide, a pillar and thread to keep them together. Without, they are simply lonely and empty pawns unified by circumstances and distance, still scattered so much more.
Jack had left and they needed to find their own unity. Their solace.
But unity and solace are hard to find amongst a team separated by a deep seclusions of guilt and remorse, each their own island. They work, they live and eat together but unity is still not to be found.
Then Gwen steps up and becomes their leader. A guide, a pillar, a thread holding them together. Scattered and empty pawns become a unit once more.
But still empty. There’s a team, but solace is still not to be found. It hangs amongst them like a heavy blanket covering the sun, keeping the light from their hearts and weighing heavily on broken souls trying to swim to the surface.
Only Jack can bring solace. Solace and light, but Jack is gone.
It’s to be expected that Tosh and Ianto have the hardest time with coping. Jack had been their saviour. A saviour from a prison either made of bricks, mortar and fading into nothingness; or death, depression and emptiness. Jack had saved them from a closed caged life and brought them meaning.
Owen finds his own ways of coping, throwing himself in work and efficiency; becoming the man he hopes Jack would want him to be. Gwen has Rhys. They might not find their solace but they manage to cope with what they have.
Tosh and Ianto can’t, because Jack was all they have. Their life is Torchwood. Their life revolved around Jack. And Jack had left.
It starts how one would expect a drunken induced night to start: too much wine, various shots of whatever they can find and a terribly hideous but extremely comfortable couch in Jack's office. Wallowing in self pity leads to anger and curses on Jack's heritage, which lead to crying. Lots of crying and then there are comforting touches that end up in clothes being fumbled aside, sloppy kisses and awkward touches and next they realise, Ianto wakes up in Jack's bed, Tosh's black and sleek hair tickling his chest, skin still slightly damp from recent activities.
They don't talk about it. Don't really need to. Alcohol induced coping might not be specifically wiser than not coping at all, but it is still something. A step moving, not forward, not backward, but still moving. Which is better than nothing. They're coping.
At first, it always starts with too much drinking and wallowing in self pity. Tosh keeps him company while he cleans up after Gwen and Owen have gone home. They sit on Jack's couch, raid his liquor cabinet, get pissed drunk, cry and wallow and end up in Jack's bed. The next day they awkwardly get up; Tosh would rush home to change and Ianto would change the sheets and do the same.
Of course there's an initial guilt the first few times. Guilty looks and wordless promises to not do it again, but it always ends the same. Waking up in Jack's bed.
Days become weeks become months and they cope. Eventually, guilty looks and silent promises to not do it again become fewer and further in between. They stay late in the hub, find comfort with each other, but know what they are doing when one of them leads the other downstairs.
They become good at coping. There's still no real solace to be found – only Jack brings solace and Jack is still gone – but they cope without feeling guilty, which might possibly be a little step forward. They have no reason to feel guilty about anything, because Jack doesn't own Ianto, hasn't ever own either of them, no matter what he had done for them – they know they're lying – and Jack fucking left!
Comfort becomes companionship. Still no solace, but the hole inside becomes slightly less painful, slightly less open for the entire world to see and abuse. Slightly less raw. Alcohol and guilt have been replaced with dinner and warmth, even quiet nights in front of the television.
Jack becomes a subject they eventually don't talk about. He becomes a topic connected with guilt and tears and wallowing, alcohol induced nights followed by awkwardness.
They don't feel guilty. They don't have any more drunken nights. They don't wallow.
They don't talk about Jack.
And then Jack comes back.
Tanni: TW warpedtanisafan on May 11th, 2008 08:42 am (UTC)
Oh my goodness. You wrote Ianto/Tosh for me! You absolute star you. *smishes tight* I mean... You wrote het. For me. *is awed*

And this was so, so good. I still really love the repetitive themes you put in here, as well. I think my favourite part was this bit:
Owen finds his own ways of coping, throwing himself in work and efficiency; becoming the man he hopes Jack would want him to be. Gwen has Rhys. They might not find their solace but they manage to cope with what they have.

Tosh and Ianto can’t, because Jack was all they have. Their life is Torchwood. Their life revolved around Jack. And Jack had left.

Because it's such a great glimpse into what life was life during that unseen part. And I freakin' love the progression of events and how they convince themselves that they're coping more than anything else. Absolutely gorgeous.

And the last line... Aw. It doesn't more than that, does it? That line tells us everything.

Jesus, I loved this a LOT. *smishes you again, real tight* ♥
kesemily_sheppard on May 11th, 2008 03:37 pm (UTC)
I KNOW! I WROTE YOU HET! if that doesn't prove I lurv you, dunno what does. *shakes head* Only dana gets me to write het.

So, you like? *beams* yay!

*feels extremely smished*

thanks, love
kallie_kat: Jackkallie_kat on May 11th, 2008 05:43 pm (UTC)
I really liked this, and it all seems so plausible. I'd love to see a sequel to see how they cope with Jack coming back.
kesemily_sheppard on May 11th, 2008 05:57 pm (UTC)
I planned this to be part of a Doctor/Jack verse that is still ongoing, so yes, there will be a continuation of this

and thanks
liten: josephine wallliten_sam on May 11th, 2008 08:20 pm (UTC)
Oh wow!! This was really amazing!! Heartbreaking and beautiful!! *keeps fingers crossed for more*
kesemily_sheppard on May 12th, 2008 10:43 am (UTC)
thank you :)